30 things before turning 30

Twenty-nine.  (Schmidt’s voice)

Happy Birthday to me.  I’m now twenty-nine and only a year away from turning 30.  This is the part where people get sad that they’re getting older.  I, however, don’t care.  What I do care about is my accomplishments which is why I hate my birthday every year.  Well, since I’ve graduated.  I personally feel that I haven’t done much with my life and every birthday presents that.  So, I decided to do a bucket list of 30 things to do before turning 30.  I want to enjoy the last year of my twenties. 

1. Get a tattoo. | I don’t have anything in mind, but I would like something that represents my kids or my late grandma.  

2. Do a fitness class. | I’ve been wanting to get active since I gave birth to my last kid because the weight gain has been crazy. I’ve been looking into Pilates, so definitely keep you updated on that. 

3. Create a book club. | Currently working on that. One on zoom and the other in person. 

4. Make a new friend. | I need to get out the house more and find some new hobbies. 

5. Go to a professional sporting event. | I’ve been to soccer and baseball games, but never been to hockey or basketball game, so I would like to go to one…for the vibes. 

6. Go to a new baseball stadium. | I’ve been to five different stadiums: Angels, Dodgers, Yankees, Mets and the Aces.  So, potentially the Padres? Or something out of the state. 

7. Do pottery.  | Nothing to it, but it sounds fun. 

8. Visit a neighboring state. | Why? Well, why not? Arizona seems cool for the Grand Canyon or Oregon for Portland.  Where you been loca? 

9. Try a new food. | I would like to get out of my comfort zone.  It’s a love hate relationship.  I love discovering new foods/places, but hate spending money when something is a waste.

10. Create a recipe box. | I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.  I sometimes question how much something is needed.  Sometimes Luis wants to take over for dinner.  Sometimes we find recipes we love and I feel like recording them, would help us.

11. Declutter something. | This is pretty self explanatory.  I’m a mess and Luis is a hoarder. 

12. Do a cooking/pastry class. | I’ve been wanting to do one for a while and honestly, it sounds like fun. 

13. Sip & Paint. | Another activity that sounds like fun and it’s something I haven’t tried.

14. Friends Day Out. | I miss hanging out with my friends.  A bowling alley and some dinner sounds fun, but without kids. 

15. Pampering Day. | I feel like I need it. Why lie.

16. Find my style. | Kind of tired of feeling like a bum/box.  I need something other than oversized t-shirts and biker shorts.

17. Be more confident. | Pretty self explanatory.

18. Make a vision board.  | Maybe putting it out there will help me feel more go-getter of my goals.

19. Writing a book. | I have mentioned that I started writing a book but that’s about it.  I would like to get serious about it and actually find the plot and see where I want to go from there. 

20. Photoshoot. | I can see this boost my self-eestem/confidence. 

21. Go to an Author’s book release signing | I have many favorite authors and I feel like going to their book release signing seems fitting. 

22. Fix and create playlists. | Honestly, I’m just tired of constantly changing the music because it isn’t what I’m feeling in the moment.  And it can get annoying.  

23. 12 Coffee Shops | Where’s there coffee there’s matcha (; I would love to try new coffee shops around my city and explore a little bit. I believe one coffee shop is a month is doable. 

24. Do karaoke.  | Seems like a fun activity to do with family or friends.

25. Start a new tradition | Now that our family is complete with out littles, I believe it’s time to start new tradition.  What will it be? No idea, but we’ll figure it out. 

26. Make amends with my dad. | Ehh, its a long story and honestly I would just like to live with peace.  At least from my end. 

27. Disney Marathons. | I’ve seen Disney have different marathons around the park and even though I’m nowhere near a runner. I would like to see what they’re like and join one. 

28. Go LIVE. | Going LIVE is more for a self confidence boost. I’m terrible at public speaking and I’m shy as well. So, it’s time to get out of my shell a bit.

29. Family biking. | I would love for my little family of four to go biking at the lake. We have the resources and I think I would be a great family experience.

30. Write a letter for future me. | I would write a letter from present Liz to 10 years future Liz. 

As a SAHM, my 30 things to do before turning 30 seem doable. These are things that may not seem all that for you, but personally they seem like everything to me.  Things that will help me mentally, like time for myself, enjoying the small things, seeing things that bring joy.  This is for me and the journey it brings. 

Lizzeth. 

January Wrap Up - Bookish

Welcome to a new series on my blog where I talk about all books every Thursday.  I read over 100 books last year and have many opinions. So, I decided to do monthly wrap-ups with little summaries and whether or not I recommend the books.  Let's get it started with January.  I read 17 books: 16 were Ebooks (Kindle Unlimited aka KU) and a physical copy.  Before we get started each summary under the book will state if they're an Ebook or physical copies.  Please take notes of lingo: FMC: Female Main Character, MMC: Male Main Character and tropes are themes of the plots.

I started the month reading the Campus Games series by Stephanie Alves.  The series is an interconnected standalone. I liked the series as a whole, but if I had to pick only one book it would have to be, Spin The Bottle. The series follows 4 friends throughout college, however, I would say Would You Rather and Truth or Dare find their matches outside of college. Although, yes it does take place during college, if that makes sense.  But nonetheless, let’s get into it. 

Never Have I Ever | Stephanie Alves | 3 ⭐️

This is my least favorite book of the series because I felt they jumped straight into the plot instead of getting to know each other.  I felt like the beginning of the story was rushed. The only reason why I continued the series was because I was interested in the friends and I wanted to know their stories.  The tropes you'll find are 'Spicy’ Lessons and ‘Spicy’ Bucket List. Recommend?: No, I believe other books in the series are better.  However, it’s not a “bad” book, I just preferred the other ones.  I wouldn't even say a maybe either. You also don't have to read the first book to understand other books in the series. Read?: Ebook, KU. 

Spin The Bottle | Stephanie Alves | 4.5 ⭐️

I absolutely loved this book. It’s about a basketball player and a plus-size model.  They both have difficult backgrounds and/or pasts.  This couple made my heart melt.  I related to this book more than I would’ve liked to admit.  It just hit a little close to home in some aspects. The trope is ‘friends with benefits.” Recommend?: Yes, just check for trigger warnings.  Read?: Ebook, KU.

Would You Rather | Stephanie Alves | 4.25 ⭐️

I enjoyed this book due to their meet cute.  The main trope is ‘fake dating’ between an uprising actress and a model. Recommend?: Yes. Read?: Ebook, KU. 

Truth Or Dare | Stephanie Alves | 4 ⭐️

I had high hopes for this book because of the FMC.  She was portrayed as a straightforward no bullshit type of person, but there were so many shy moments and miscommunication.  They are childhood friends to lovers.  So because of that, it felt off.  Recommend?: Maybe. Read?: Eboook, KU.

Better Than The Movies | Lynn Painter | 3.75⭐️

The way this book was being hyped all over social media was crazy to me.  Barnes & Nobles had this book for $5 when you buy something from their cafe.  I will however say that I did enjoy the book to a certain extent.  I found the FMC extremely annoying.  I constantly kept rolling my eyes.  The MMC was a sweetheart. BTTM was definitely a YA, (Young Adult) book.  I can see high schoolers enjoying this book.  Recommend?: Yes, if you’re into YA Books.  Read?: Physical Copy. 

Fight Vol 1 | Sloane St James | 3.75 ⭐️

Major trigger warnings! This book talks about cults and death.  The FMC is a paramedic and he is a hotshot firefighter. I enjoyed the book, but personally, I felt like the miscommunication was what ruined it for me.  There’s miscommunication where it makes sense or you can understand it, but I hate it when they simply walk away instead of facing the problem.  This is the first book in the series out of 3 and I’m still trying to decide if I want to continue them. Recommend?: Maybe, if you don’t mind the miscommunication. Read?: Ebook, KU.

In A Jam | Kate Canterbary | 4 ⭐️

One word: Yearning! The FMC inherited a tulip farm and the MMC owns and runs his family business next door.  They are childhood friends to lovers and there’s fake dating involved. Fake dating evolves into a marriage of convenience.  The MMC is also a single father because he has custody of this niece. I loved the MMC and how he showed his feelings towards the FMC. Recommend?: Yes.  Read?: Ebook, KU.

My Dark Romeo | Parker S Huntington x L.J Shen | 4 ⭐️

This is an arranged marriage even though it came upon as blackmail? The MMC is a billionaire and the FMC is an heiress, they have banter along with the MMC's friends. I enjoyed the book, however something was missing. I don't know how to explain it and in some parts of the story, they were both annoying.  Recommend?: Yes.  Read?: Ebook, KU. 

A Proposal They Can’t Refuse | Natalie Cana | 3.5 ⭐️

This a childhood's friends to enemies to lovers? The grandfathers of the two main characters arrange the marriage so their businesses can be saved.  The FMC was annoying af, there was miscommunication throughout the book, which is why I gave it a 3.5.  It’s the first book in the series, but as of now, I’m not interested in continuing the series. As for the MMC, I actually enjoyed him.  Recommend?: Maybe. Read?: Ebook, KU.

The Predator | Runyx | 3.25 ⭐️

I don’t know what I was expecting from this popular TikTok book, but it was not it.  I thought the book was okay. At some point I was confused.  I loved both characters though,  but I’m still debating if I want to continue the series. Part of me wants to reread it and see it from a different perspective. With that being said, ratings and recommendations will probably change or stay the same. 

His Tesoro | Emilia Rossi | 4.75 ⭐️

I loooooved this book. It’s mafia romance and arranged marriage, between the couple. However, the FMC has a disability where her bones ache, and can’t walk sometimes. The MMC is a hardass but comes around and loves her.  I really enjoyed this book, excited for the second book to come out next month.  Recommend? Yes!  Read?: Ebook, KU.

Beautiful Beast | Neva Altaj | 4 ⭐️

I read the Imperfect Mafia series last year and this is like the second generation of those books.  I liked the book I thought it was cute even though there’s kidnapping and a sense of Beauty and the Beast in a way. I also liked how the characters from the other series intertwine with this one. Feel in love? Maybe more like Stockholm syndrome. Recommend?: Yes. Read? Ebook, KU. 

Bourbon & Lies | Victoria Wilder | 4.25⭐️

The book had a secret identity (Witness Protection Program) with a retired cop who now helps his family with their bourbon business.  I got the ick from some of their spicy scenes which is why I gave it 4.25 stars. However, I did enjoy this book and the secrecy behind it. Although, at some point, the MMC made me mad for being nosy.  Recommend? Yes! Read?: Ebook, KU. 

I found this indie author on TikTok and scored when her books were on Kindle Unlimited.  I love this series as a whole.  My one and only complaint is that I had to continue the series.  I wouldn’t necessarily say it was left with cliffhangers, but it was.  I had to read the next book, to find out what had happened. My biggest complaint, to be honest.  I loved all the books and their storylines, banter, and the sibling's dynamic.  The four books follow four siblings and their father in Bratva life.  The fifth book won't be available until the summer, so the series is not completed. The women in the series were completely badass, didn’t dislike any one of them.  The banter between the siblings had me laughing.  They constantly sparred and loved that too.  Definitely kept me entertained.  

Bratva Bride | Tj Maguire  | 4 ⭐️

The FMC was a total badass and I loved her.  This book was arranged marriage between two mafias.  She’s the youngest and only daughter, so the banter is there between the siblings.  The book ranks 3rd because I didn’t feel the “love” and it jumped straight to the plot.  I felt the MMC fell in love because of her fighting and how smart she was. As for the FMC, she constantly stated how she loved that he had two different colored eyes. Recommend?: Yes.  Read?: Ebook, KU.

Bratva Prince | TJ Maguire | 3.25 ⭐️

I liked the book, but I felt like their love story was solely based on physical attraction and how ‘small’ she was.  Mafia Man x Cartel Woman, he was intrigued, maybe infatuated which is how they came to be. Oh, and they also kept her captive for plot reasons.  Recommend?: Maybe, if you’re interested in the whole series. Read?: Ebook, KU.

Bratva Knight | TJ Maguire | 4.25 ⭐️

When I tell you this book had the potential to be a 5-star read for me.  The only reason the book didn’t get 5 stars is because it was confusing as hell on where it was taking place. There was a lot of going back and forth between New York and Las Vegas and I didn’t know when they were. Other than that, loved it. If a book makes me cry; 5 stars automatically.  This book broke my heart and made me cry.  I made me feel sad towards both characters at some point.  I did related to part of the story,  spoiler alert the FMC has a miscarriage, and well yeah. The book has a secret romance and it’s a best friend’s brother. Recommend?: Yes Read?: Ebook, KU 

Bratva Butcher | TJ Maguire  | 4  ⭐️

The book is about the father who lost his wife years back and started to fall in love with someone new.  He has complicated feelings regarding it, but overall I liked the main character's dynamic and banter.  There is a miscommunication trope, but it also makes sense as to why it happened. I loved the book I definitely would say my 2nd favorite book in the series.?: Yes Read?: ebook, KU. 

Remember these are only my opinions and you can always form your own.  I would heavily say to PLEASE check trigger warnings before reading any of the books, especially the mafia ones. 

Lizzeth

Hora De Chisme: the last year

Let's catch up, shall we? With a little Hora De Chisme, 

It’s been about a year since the last time I was here…soooo, let me tell you what has happened since then. 

Let’s rewind it back to April of 2024 when I started my reading journey.  Reading was something that never interested me before, so color me surprised when it suddenly caught my interest.  I remember buying my first two books on my birthday at Barnes & Nobles.  And since then, I have no regrets and a huge collection.  I’ve come to love reading so much that I started writing my own book in July.  However, that's something I don't want to touch upon just because I might never finish it.

That following month, I  decided to help out with the laundry.  (Luis does the laundry, always!)  It was dark and got distracted and I ended up stepping wrong on my way down the steps.  I ended up twisting my ankle and sprained my foot.  I ended up going to the ER because I could've sworn my foot was broken.  Updated it wasn't but it was heavily bruised.  I struggled to put weight on my foot for two weeks and even when I was able to I was still in so much pain.  Yes, I spent my Mother's Day crimpled and on a scooter.  

In June, I ended up taking a pregnancy test. Believe it or not, to my surprise I was pregnant.  I say that because for the past three months I was taking pregnancy tests and they were all negative.  I won’t go too much in-depth because I have YouTube videos on that.  

Fastward to the last months of the year.  In August, we celebrated our 6 year anniversary.  We went to Vegas for fun because we do have a toddler and our activities are limited.  We ended up going to interactive museums and she really enjoyed it.  We also tried different foods and desserts since we're all foodies.  We went to the OC Fair since that was our "first date" and its our little traditon. My baby turned two in October and we celebrated her with an Encanto theme birthday party.  Next thing we knew it was Thanksgiving, Christmas and HELLO New Year.

Now we are in March, and we are a family of four.  We are still trying to adjust with a newborn and our terrible two toddler.  Theres some good day and some bad and at the end of the day we're just trying to survive.  I however, I'm excited to see what the rest of the year brings.  Well that's my life, thank you so much for spending time with me I hope you enjoyed it cause I know I did.

Lizzeth

 

 

Reintroduction

 Let’s do a reintroduction. 

Hi, my name is Lizzeth, but everyone and their mommas like to mispronounce it; so please just call me Liz.  I’m twenty-eight and an Aries baby.  I’m currently a sahm with two under two, (Not for the weak).  I consider myself an extrovert introvert.  I’m a shy person if approached, but once you get my talking trust me you won’t be able to shut me up.  I’ve been blogging since the end of 2016 and vlogging since 2020, both on and off.  To date, both blogging and vlogging are my favorite hobbies, and I wish I never stopped.  As for my other hobby…making earrings has slowly decline.  As much as I love creating, the time is not there. I however, recently discovered my love for reading and would love to start or join a book club.  I started reading physical copies, and now it’s been all ebooks.  To be honest, give me a sweet treat and a book and I’ll be happy.  Lately, finding my happiness has been an ongoing struggle, so here I am fulfilling my need to express myself through my blog.  I’m on a journey to finding my happiness and I’m learning that it’s through consistency.  Consistency is my current goal in whatever that looks like.  I have the habit of picking something up and then dropping it for whatever reason.  I do however hope I can stick to one of many goals this year.  So, here’s to a new journey of trying new things.  And, thank you to those who’ve stuck around from the beginning and will continue to do so.  And to the new ones here, welcome.  🫶🏼

If you would like to get to know me a bit more I do have facts about myself (: 10 Facts About Me & 10 Facts About Me, Part 2. 

Lizzeth 

insecurities

 

Lately, the word “insecure” has come up a little more frequently.  I do believe everyone has some “insecurities” and to different levels, of course.  Not all insecurities are about looks, sometimes it’s about how another person made you feel.  Some would say trauma and I believe that’s valid.  However I do believe certain situations or words can bring up insecurities.  There’s triggers out there that we cannot control nor fully heal.  Some of my triggers are about my past and I hate to dwell on them because I’m content with my friends and partner.  I took the word “insecure” and took apart myself to how it best suits me….

Insecure…

I - I allowed people to take advantage of me because it made me feel wanted and/or loved. 

N - Never being the “first choice” because there was always someone better than me. 

S - Satisfying people to feel loved, so they wouldn’t leave me. 

E - Embarrassed, when the same people I considered “friends” try to “1+” me, just to get “ahead.”

C - Crazy to think I was special when you were doing the same thing to others. 

U - Upset for going above and beyond just for you to put me on the “chat” AND be “checked off.” 

R - Resentful for allowing other people’s opinions dictate how I viewed myself. 

E - Exhausting thinking about how the past has taken over my present day. 

The word insecure has everything to do with my past and my past includes people I no longer talk to or associate myself with.  So, why do I allowed myself to feel all of these things for people that no longer matter?  Maybe I wasn’t confident enough and they projected onto me.  Maybe I lacked self-confidence and everyone saw and ran with it.  

For whatever reason this could be, I know that everyday is a working day.  I work on myself.  I work on the fact that my past is my past and it should not dictate my present day. 

GOODFUCKINGBYE.

Hello 2024

Another year, another post. 

The best part of the New Year is that it's the first of the month obviously and that it lands on a Monday.  Not only is the beginning of a new year but also month and week! It just calls for a good year.  Every year I usually make mental New Year goals for myself.  However, this time around I would like to actually let you guys know.  

Home-made meals || Unfortunately, 2021 was our downfall for eating out.  We would spend roughly around $500-$700 a week.  Yes, most of our money went towards, groceries and eating out.  At the end of that year, we vowed to do better.  In 2022, we did do better since I had to have home-made meals due to my pregnancy but there were times we would eat out.  However, when I gave birth in Oct 2022 I did not cook until June 2023.  Yeah, I know.  My point is I would like to do better.  I would like for my toddler to eat actual meals.  Plus, it's hard to feed her when we go out to eat.  Lately, I've been enjoying cooking dinner the only thing I hate is the lack of space we have.  So, we’ll see how this goes.  If you guys have any recipes send them my way, hehe. 

Self Love ||  At the end of the year I noticed I lacked a lot of self-love.  I noticed I didn't have any selfies or videos of anything really.  My camera roll was nothing but cups and my daughter.  I would like to change that and feel myself a little bit.  However, in an unselfish way.  My daughter will always be a priority and that will never change, I just have to add myself into the mix. 

Make time for the things I love ||  This year I would love to give myself more time do to the things I love.  That includes my blog, vlogging, and doing polymer clay.  When I tell you, that I genuinely love those things. I truly do!  They bring me so much joy.   

Journaling ||  I realized journaling helps so much.  I just wish to journal more than when I’m feeling “depressed.”  Expressing myself in writing is therapeutic af.  

Control my sugar || I know I can’t change everything overnight, but I do want to get into a better routine.  A routine is a starter to control my sugar.  While I transition into working out a routine/schedule.  I can start cutting things out.  My New Year goal is to cut out soda for now.  I do have many more foods I want to cut out but slowly.  I cut myself cold turkey last year and that hurt me mentally.  I want to do it better this time. 

With these 5 goals for the year, I hope to see positive change within myself.  This year is the year of self-love and self-care.  I hope you guys have an amazing year.  I wish to hear about any resolutions you may have. 

2023 Reflection

I somehow managed to make it to another year.  I cannot say whether this year was a good or bad one.  It was a year filled with a lot of firsts, so those were fun.  Despite everything I’m thankful for everything that has happened this year.  I’ve cried and laughed through the year but one thing for sure is that I have a better mind state walking into the new year. 

So let’s talk about the things I’ve learned this year: 

1. Resetting every night/day has made me feel better. 
2. There will never be enough time. Don’t matter if I wake up early or sleep late there will always be something that doesn’t get done. 
3. Grief will always be there and “time” doesn’t always heal. 

Highlights 

1. My baby’s first of EVERYTHING + hitting her milestones. 
2. Our family purchase. 
3. My first Mother’s Day. 🫶🏼
4. Posting again… blogs & vlogs. 
5. The LOVE everyone gives little Missy. 
6. Seeing my grandpa open his business.
7. Expanding new items in my shop.
8. Selling at two different storefronts. *
9. Seeing Rauw and Karol G in concert.
10. Serotonin of Disney. 

Thank you to everyone who has shown me so much love throughout my journey of motherhood, business-related, blog + vlog and honestly just being me.  Every year I think I always have it down, but there's always something that happens.  I'm nervous but excited to see what the new year brings. Happy New Year Friends and I hope everyone stays safe. 

Guilt of being a SAHM

Will I ever be good enough?

In less than a year my life has changed and honestly I don’t know whether it’s good or bad. 

I have a daughter now and she’s my whole life.  I would literally do anything for her but I don’t know what’s best for her.

In the summer of 2020, I was let go at my job because of covid and there not being enough funds.  At the time, Luis and I were already living together.  It was hard looking for a job back then because of covid.  I however, did have a job lined up for me but after discussing with my partner we decided it was best for me to not work during covid and just do me.  That same month I started my cups/tumbler business. I was doing cups and it was going decent.  However, since I was starting off it wasn’t money I could live off of.

My partner and I always communicated and he always told me that he would take care of me and he has.  Financially I couldn’t help much so it was all him.  It was so fucking weird and uncomfortable.  Besides my parents growing up I never relied on someone else.  It was weird not having my “own” money and not being able to pay for my own bills.  My partner started doing that for me and he has for the last 3 years.  At the beginning it was extremely hard.  We would go shopping for groceries or ourselves and I would “ask” if it was okay for me to buy something…yeah I know.  I was like that for a while because I was used to being “independent.” 

Eventually employment got better and  I did try looking for a job but was never successful.  We didn’t stressed because we were good.  I mean we still are.  I continued doing my cup business and I was doing pretty well, at some point I made more than my partner.  So I never continued looking for a job.  

Now fast forward to present day.  I’m a stay at home mom with my cup business on the side.  Business has unfortunately gone down A LOT.  My earrings are basically dead.  I absolutely love making them but I felt like it was a waste of time.  Hardly any sells and had no time for it, now that my daughter is here. My cup business is doing okay, business has gone down and I can no longer rely on it.  For the past couple of months I’ve debated whether this is what I want.  

Financially we’re doing well for me to continue being SAHM. 

Now let’s get into the root of my problem… 

With being a SAHM I feel this guilt.  I want to do what’s best for my family.  I have certain goals in life and I hope to one day achieve them. 

I have a bachelors degree that I have not put to use and it saddens me.  Part of me wants to go to work and wishes I would.  I have certain goals I want to achieve and I know I can with time, but I feel that if I join the workforce I could put my goals and plans on a faster track.  Moreover,  I look at my daughter and I want to buy her the world. Although, daddy already does. I want her to see that I can do it too.  That I am able to work and provide for our family as well.

However, that would mean leaving her behind and that also saddens me.  Knowing that I could miss a milestone, miss seeing her grow up, or have someone else raise her kills me.  Baby sitting and day care is crazy expensive and I really don’t trust anyone.  Our parents don’t have much time to take care of our little Missy and I don’t expect them too.  

I understand I’m fortunate to be a SAHM.  I’m extremely grateful for my partner to provide me with this opportunity.  I wake up to my lovebug every morning and spend my entire day with her.  And that alone is the best because I know I’m taking care of her and provide her with the best I possibly can under my care. 

So, yes… being a stay at home mom has brought up this guilt inside of me.  The battle of going to work and help provide for my family vs staying at home with my lovebug and raising her. Yes, I have talked to my partner and he’s expressed to me that being a SAHM is what’s best for our family. 

Personally, I just don’t feel good enough.  I just know I want what’s best for my family.  If it’s continuing to be a SAHM then so be it. 

xoxo, lizzypoo

grandma 🤍

My mental health is declining. 

I lost my grandma Leticia in December 2022.  It's been close to six months without her and to be completely honest, I don't know how I made it here.  I like to believe my daughter is saving me.  She's keeping me company and on my toes.  So, thankful and grateful for her.  I personally believe if it wasn't for her I would be worse than what I am now.

I lost what was my second mother figure and one of my biggest fans.  I wish you can understand.  I was so naive about her health.  I thought I had the rest of my life with her but I was mistaken.  I wish I would've had that last conversation with her.  You know the last one when one is on their last days?  I did talk to her on her last days, but nothing deep.  I never asked her to talk to me, because I believe I had so much time with her.  I wish I would've asked her for it.  I like to believe that the reason she didn't have the last conversation with me is because it was hard for her too... because maybe she knew and wanted to shield me from it.  I don't regret anything.

I loved her to the best of my ability.  I spent the most time I possibly could've.  I helped with whatever I could at that moment.  She was the best grandma.  She was the biggest support system.  My childhood was her.  I liked to believe she shaped me the way I am.  She didn't take anyone's shit and she never kept her mouth shut.  Yeah, I definitely got that from her, ha.  

She did get to meet my daughter in person.  She even told her nurses in the hospice that that was her great-granddaughter in her broken english.  I teared up a little that moment.  I just wished she would've carried her, so I could have that picture of them. 

Since her passing things have not been the same.  Nothing is the same.  No one is the same.  Walking into the house is so weird.  Plus, I don't like being in the house for long periods of times.   Every time I walked into the house, I always greeted her with "hola grandma" and she would answer "hola mi vida." And now? Nothing. 

The first year is always the hardest because it's the year of firsts.  However, it's also the fact knowing she's no longer here for me to talk to her or experience things with me.  I will never receive a Facebook message from her.  The day I get married she won’t be there.  Shes not here to teach my daughter her many talents.    She didn’t get to see my business be display in a store or any of my new earring collections.  She won’t be able to experience the many things that await for me and I won’t be able to talk to her about them. 

Truth is I will never be the same without her.  I miss her so much and everyday.  There’s not a single day that I don’t think about her.  I think about her daily and I’m so upset she hasn’t visited me in my dreams.  I miss her and I just she was here.  I mourned my grandma in the last six months and it hasn’t been easy, but how do I expect it to be easy when I had her in my life for 26 years.  I just know that for the rest of my life I’ll keep her memory alive.  She was and is a huge part of me and I’m going to tell my children about her. 

rest in peace my angel… la quiero mucho grandma 🤍

2 years in...

Luis & I just came across our 2-year mark of living together  Yeah, 2 years...crazy.  As many of you know we were supposed to get married on 3/21/2020, but due to covid, we weren't able to.  Even though we didn't get married that day, that is also the day we moved in together.

We moved in with our clothes, and a few gifts family and friends had sent us from our wedding registry.  We basically had to get everything we needed.  We struggled to get couches because due to covid they were in backorder, we waited 4 months for them.  In less than a year, we had filled our little home with soooooo much shit.  It had come to a point where it was too much.  It felt like an episode of hoarders, that's how bad it got. 

In November of 2021, we basically got evicted.  We were ending our contract and we needed to figure out things, but shit hit the fan and we were at square one.  November of 2021, was probably one of the worst months Luis & I have experienced together as a couple.  Our relationship was pretty bad. 

We came on top.  It was a lot of working out and communicating on problems others were giving us and how to go about it.  Things definitely got better.  At the end of December, we were asked if it was possible to move out by the end of January instead of the end of Feburary.  We were stressed because we had nowhere to go.  We looked and found nothing.  We began packing up our home and slowly doing trips to put them in storage. 

It came to a realization we weren't able to move until the end of February like our original contract.  And that's exactly what we did.  On our last day, we both cried.  We had created so many memories together.  It was our home for the first 2 years.  It was our first of everything, definitely bitter-sweet.

We knew it was our time to leave so we weren't upset.  We knew we weren't happy there anymore.  (landlords probs).  So we were okay and happy with the move, it was just the stress of having nowhere to go.   

Thanks to my grandpa we were able to find something and helped us out.  We turned an office into a home and we are still working on it.  We've been here for almost a whole month and we are still trying to organize our stuff and try to figure out the whole spacing.  For the most part, we are good and we have a roof over our heads with warm water lol. 

2 years and we are still going.  I'm excited and hopefully for our future.  We do hope that we can find something more permanent in the future, but like always everything is up in the air. However, until then, we are happy together and it doesn't matter where we end up as long as we are together.  

2021 Reflection

Fuck 2021. 

I mean that's pretty much it.  No, but honestly this past year was definitely something.  So much happened that I know eventually everything will come to light.  However, let's try to keep it nice and wrapped up until I know I'm healed to talk about it.  

Needless to say, I've learned some things on the way. 

1. I overly stress with the things I cannot control. 
2. Everyone will eventually show their true colors. 
3. No one will do for you, what you'll do for them. 

Highlights of 2021

1. Hitting 1000 sales on Etsy. 
2. Disney Trip. (Anniversary)
3. My parents getting along. 
4. My sister’s graduation. 
5. My mom’s successful surgery. 
6. Successful Pop-Ups. (all year round)
7. Getting my toes fixed lol.
8. Having multiple cups sell out. 
9. Birthday Trip to Vegas.
10. April 12 👼🏻 

I truly hope you had an amazing year and you made the best of 2021.  Now, let's hope for an even better year.  Happy New Year friends.  You'll definitely be reading more of me this year. 

your wings were ready but my heart was not

 To my little Angel, 

This past week has been extremely hard.  This week we were supposed to be getting ready for your arrival.  Christmas was supposed to be different this year.  Today was allegedly our due date.  

On April 12th,  I found out I was pregnant.  I was completely shocked and flabbergasted.  We had come back from my birthday trip to Vegas.  And at this point, I don’t even remember how late I was on my period I just knew I had become irregular.  I remember running to Target to buy an “expensive” pregnancy test.  It was once again confirmed.  I surprised Daddy with the news and he cried with so much joy.  From that moment we began making changes for you.  

We were overfull with joy.  We had plans.  We were thinking so much into the future. Your daddy talked to you every single day.  They were beautiful moments.  Everyone was so excited, of course, those who knew because it wasn’t many. 

Little did we know you had other plans. 

The little time I was pregnant was such a hard time.  The stress I underwent was honestly insane.  It was my first time and I had no experience.  I was googling everything and psyching myself out.  I ended up going to the ER.  I remember I didn’t want to go because I was scared.  My mom told me, I had to go urgently.  When I arrived I was only able to go in by myself due to COVID.  They did every single test I can think of.  I was feeling positive towards the end.  Before they discharged me they gave me the news of a possible miscarriage.  I remembered crying but I kept trying to be positive. 

On May 5th,  I received an email, “…no heartbeat detected…”  Your daddy and I were a complete mess.  Just a few days ago you had a heartbeat and now you didn’t?  It was one of the hardest days.  I was furious.  I was blaming myself.  I just didn’t know what happened.  The doctor assured me it had nothing to do with what I did.  Things unfortunately just happen.  Next thing I knew I was scheduled for a D&C.  A surgical procedure to remove you.  Another one of my hardest days.  I just remembered waking up and crying because I know you were officially gone. 

We now fast forward to today.  We wish and prayed things would’ve been different.  We miss you so much.  There’s honestly not a day that goes by where we think or talk about you.  It’s always the “what ifs.” You and my sister were going to share birthdays.  Now we are off to celebrate her.  

To our little angel, you are loved and forever missed. 

I will hold you in the heart until I hold you in heaven...

Rest in Peace

Current Obsessions | June 2020

I have an addictive personality, and it can get bad.  I noticed and I know people around me have noticed as well.  Once I like something I can't stop.  However, I give it a week or two before I'm over it.  And I swear I don't do it on purpose, but sometimes it's just like that you know?  Well, lately I have been obsessed over a couple of things.  So let me tell you about it. 

1.  I've been obsessed with buying organizers and desk items.  I sometimes have the urge to buy furniture.  For what? I don't know, but I always have the feeling that I need too.  It's pretty weird.  I just want everything organized and clean.  I wouldn't say I have OCD, but lately, I want to organize everything and arrange things how I want them.  My desk is kind of messy because I have things that there is no room for.  I feel like Luis & I have outgrown our home.  I know it sounds dumb, but I look around the house and I'm like sheesh.  The kitchen is full like I can't buy any more appliances because I wouldn't know where to put them.  And I feel that's the reason why I want to buy organizers and whatnot because I feel like we are outgrowing the home and there's no space.  Although, that may not make any sense.  But besides that, I want to organize and rearrange my entire home and desk.  

2.  Baking!  I've been baking and trying new things in the kitchen.  I've been learning how to make desserts.  Well desserts, I'm not used to making.  Within a month, we've bought soooo many food coloring,  concentration drops, seasonings, sprinkles, chocolate, well everything.  I try to make at least two different things in a week.  I love to make something and share it with ourselves and our families.  And I love receiving compliments on my desserts, it feels nice.  The only thing I'm slacking is making buttercream.  It has come to a point where Luis has also try to make the buttercream, but there's just no luck.  We waste so many ingredients on trying to make some, but I feel like we'll get it soon.  

3.  Shopping! Ugh, it doesn't matter how hard I try not to buy things I just can't seem to stop.  Sometimes I'll stop myself if I feel like I've already spent too much.  I also try to ask Luis for opinions if he's with me and he sometimes encourages me but also discourages.  I realized that when I tell him something is on sale, he'll tell me to buy it lol.  Now that our favorite stores are opening up such as Ross, TJ Maxx, Homegoods and Marshalls we just been spending like there's no tomorrow.  But I have also been obsessed with buying makeup.  I know I had stopped buying makeup for a while, but I think its because of Youtube. I do feel that since I started doing Youtube videos, I've been inclined to buy makeup.  It's dumb I know, but I know I don't buy everything.  Luis does a good job of helping me too.  He discourages me but in a positive way.  I actually really appreciated it because if not I would've had so much more by now. 

4.  Cricut Maker!  We recently bought a Cricut Maker and we are both OBSESSED!! It's so much fun yet time-consuming.  We get so invested when we are using it.  We lose track of time too.  The very next day we got the Cricut, I went to the stores and basically balled out with so much Vinyl.  Its been at least two weeks with it, and we are still learning so much about it.  But it's so much fun.   Now with the Cricut, it's taken a big chunk of space of my desk which is fine, but the additional arts and crafts that I have there's no real space for them.  I have canvases, ring light, backdrop stand, vinyls, and cardstock that needs to be organized neatly and I think that's why I have my #1 problem^ (obsessed with organizers and desk items).  P.S: Luis and I have started a small little business, Les Custom Design.  If you guys can show it love and support that would be so much appreciated. 

5.  Skincare.  My skin has never been better!  I've been trying to figure out my skincare routine and it changes sometimes depending on the day.  But every time I have clear skin, it makes me the happiest.  I have minor breakouts here and there but hardly.  I have also been buying so many skincare products because I've been so addicted.  Of course, I['m careful and I see what works with me and what doesn't.  But at the end of the day, I have to do my skincare every morning and night doesn't matter how tired I am.  I have to do it.  It makes me happy just doing those steps.  But I know once this goes live I will have breakouts because that's what always happens when I talk highly about my skin. 

What do you think about my current obsessions lately?  I feel like that pretty much sums me up the past couple of weeks.  However, those can literally change by the end of the week.  I'm weird, I know.  Anyways, do you have anything you've been obsessed with lately? 

Thank you, 

Lizzeth. 

June 2020 Monthly Goals

Many many posts ago in Reflection of 2016 & New goals for 2017, I reflected on the previous year and talked about setting myself 3 new goals each month.  Some were good months and others were bad.  And, I thought it was a good idea to bring them back.  However, I'm doing them a bit differently this time around.  At the beginning of each month, I will share my goals with you because life throws you so many curve balls that some of the goals I set myself for the future may not be relevant.  And at the end of the month, I will share how I did.  Nonetheless, here are some of my previous posts if you would like to read.  Jan'17, Feb'17, Mar'17, May'17, June'17, July'17 , Sept'17. 

For the month of June, I want to try being more productive within myself and of course better myself too.  So the goals I decided are...

1.  Cutting out potatoes ||  I love potatoes and I mean love.  Back in October/November, I was really good at not eating fries, but once thanksgiving came around I forgot what eating healthy was.  I eat a lot of carbs and I do have to admit that potatoes are my number one carb and its not healthy for ME.  At the end of the day, I'm my own enemy and I'm only cheating myself.  So I feel by cutting out potatoes, I'm going to be benefiting from it. 

2.  Do Zumba every day  ||  I was told I need to be more active for my own health.  Back in the day,  the gym I used to go to had Zumba classes.  Those classes were killers sometimes, or maybe I'm just THAT outta shape.  Anywho, the other day I did a 30 minute Zumba dance/workout that I found on Youtube and it had me going.  I had forgotten how good Zumba made me feel plus I love dancing, so I wouldn't see why I can't do 30-60 min workouts every day for the month of June.  Plus closing my rings on my activity on my Apple Watch motivates me. 

3.  Paying off a loan ||  I'm in a lot of school loan debt and credit cards as well, but I have this one loan that's a pain in the ass.  I took out the loan last year to pay for my school, but it's coming to the point where its dragging and affecting my wallet.  I have to pay the loan twice a month and the rate is up the ass too.  Luis and I looked into my debt to see which one is better to pay off faster, so my goal this month is to pay off the loan I took last year.  AND making sure I never take out another loan like that. 

I feel like cutting out potatoes maybe be difficult.  I don't always eat potatoes since for the majority of the time we eat at home, but those days where we are running around doing errands is where I'm going to have a hard time. My 3 goals for the month of June sound reasonable to start off potentially something great for myself.   The only thing is now is to see how I do at the end of the month.  Have a nice Sunday and I hope you have a good start to your month. 

Thank you, 

Lizzeth 

2020: Life Through A Lens (1/3)

I have this series called Life Through A Lens where I share with you pictures I have on my camera roll.  They either have a special meaning or they are just random, but they're pictures you'll find on my phone.  Today, I'm here to share with you the first 3rd of the year (Jan 2020-April 2020).  As you look through these pictures they will have no captions nor writing in them.  It's just for you to view. (: 

Besides quarantine, how was the first 3rd of the year for you?  Thank you for stopping by!  Btw I think the pictures can be self-explained too. 

Thank you, 

Lizzeth