Hora de Chisme: 2019 New Year Edition

We are almost two weeks into 2019 and time is flying by so I decided to do a little Hora de Chisme. 

Looking back at prior years, I've noticed the things I've done, said, and been too whether they were bad decisions or good memories.  Just reflecting on 2018, it was rough but I also had my good times.  Before you do start reading, I just want let you know that everything is OKAY!  2018 was a fucking a year and it has helped me grow in the best possible way ever.  But in reality, this post is just to express how I feel about the new year, so enjoy.

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Long story short of 2018: 

Spring 2018: I had a mental breakdown the first week of classes, my truck broke down within that same week, and I was going to two different campuses for my classes.  To top it off I was dealing with my own demons and family things.  So, yes Spring semester was difficult but I made it through and passed all my courses with good grades that I was proud off.

Summer 2018: San Jose was too negative for me which is why I decided to go home for the Summer. I worked at warehouse and oh my it was an eye opening job.  It humbled the hell out of me.  But even being home wasn't the best for me, it was mentally draining and irritating dealing with _____, [Too many things to name and I don't want to drag anyone down.]  On a different note, Luis and I became a couple and it was definitely one of my highlights of 2018.

Fall 2018: Booooy where do I start?  The first two weeks of school, I was extremely depressed and I had very dark thoughts.  I was waiting on some results that were the cards to my life.  The results came back and I received the good news and well here I am today, speaking about it.  [No one knows details, except my mom and it will stay like that]. This semester,  I took 19 units (something I've never done before) and that was a bitch.  My finals were tough.  I thought I had failed a class, but I finished off strong and passed all my classes.  I cried of happiness when I got my grades.  I also got a new job that isn't retail in August. However its a love-hate relationship, because the downside of ME having this job is that I don't know how to separate my client's lives with mine.  I go home everyday mentally drain and constantly thinking about their situation, and sometimes it just takes a toll on me. I'm learning how to separate the two but its a process.  I love my job don't get me wrong.  I love helping them and I love when they feel so appreciative of what I do for them.  And the best thing is that I also love the fact that I get the weekends off. Now throughout the semester, I've also dealt with sorority stuff.  & I went home quite often as well.  It was definitely a semester on learning how to balance everything that was basically new to me. 

Now I know I didn't have to share this, but I like too. Let me explain why:

1. It makes me feel good reflecting on the past knowing like DAMN that happened?  How did I do it?

Yes, these problems maybe not seem like they're "big" problems, but to me they were.  Sorry.

2. I like to vent it out to my blog rather than full explaining myself to a person. 

I feel like many don't pay much attention to what I post, so I use it as my personal journal.

3. I look back at my blog and it hella defines, these posts are ME.

I'm an open book. 

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2019, the biggest year yet to come and I am extremely scared. 

Let me tell you what the plans are, what I'm excited/scared about and future goals. 

2019 started off strong.  I enjoyed my time at home and I'm thankful for my loved ones.  Now that I'm back in SJ, I began taking a winter course and working a lot more than I was used too.  Sad to say sometime this past week I already had my first mental breakdown, l oh fucking l.  I was stretching myself out to thin because I was juggling way to much for me to handle, but its okay.  We are moving on. 

Bittersweet moment: If all goes well, this semester is my last semester here at State.  I'M GRADUATING!  Its going to be tough I can already feel it, but it gives me so much motivation knowing that I'm almost done with school.  Which is why I'm taking a winter course and as well a summer one.  I have to do what I have to do in order to graduate.  I might die in the process but I know it's going to be worth it.  With that being said, it will also be last couple of months here.  Once my lease is up I will be going back home to try to get back on my feet. 

My plans for 2019 are to finish school, go home for a mental break, find a job, and be able to grow my mental state.  My biggest plan yet is to better my health because I have found some issues, so healthier choices here I come. But I'm excited to see what the year has for me. I'm excited to live my last months here in SJ and explore the last bit of the Bay Area before moving back. I'm excited to graduate and see my parents' face knowing they have a daughter with a degree, after all our struggles. I'm excited to see my circle succeed and move up in their lives. I'm excited yet scared to see what the year throws at me. I'm scared because what if things don't work out? I know I somethings are inevitable its just always in the back of my head, but this year I'm taking risks and letting the cards play itself. 

But there's more! I have goals for 2019.
1. Travel | It wasn't until the I got with Luis when I started trying new places and experiencing new things. & Honestly, it was such a good feeling and it gave me an itch to travel.  Luis & I were talking about traveling and realized we never fully explored cities nearby.  In February we will be going to San Diego, CA and we talked about Yosemite Park for the summer. But with our schedules we will just see where life takes us.  
2. Save More, Spend Less | Should I say more?
3. Become healthier | How I stated before, I need to become healthier for my own good and learn how to balance things in my life. This is probably my biggest and hardest goal, but its something I need to achieve for myself. 
4. Be more confident | My biggest insecurity is my confidences whether its about my physical appearance, the work I do or how I say things. I always need reassurance and confirmation about everything and its definitely something I need to work on. 
5. Blogging | Alright, I'm tired of saying it and you're tired of read it but at this point...I will continue my blog and I will post whenever I can. My goal is of course to post more but life happens and both my blog and I are still here. 

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Thank you for your time and I hope you got to know me a little bit better. I wish you the best in 2019 and if you have any goals I hope you achieve them.

Thank you, 

Lizzeth