insecurities

 

Lately, the word “insecure” has come up a little more frequently.  I do believe everyone has some “insecurities” and to different levels, of course.  Not all insecurities are about looks, sometimes it’s about how another person made you feel.  Some would say trauma and I believe that’s valid.  However I do believe certain situations or words can bring up insecurities.  There’s triggers out there that we cannot control nor fully heal.  Some of my triggers are about my past and I hate to dwell on them because I’m content with my friends and partner.  I took the word “insecure” and took apart myself to how it best suits me….

Insecure…

I - I allowed people to take advantage of me because it made me feel wanted and/or loved. 

N - Never being the “first choice” because there was always someone better than me. 

S - Satisfying people to feel loved, so they wouldn’t leave me. 

E - Embarrassed, when the same people I considered “friends” try to “1+” me, just to get “ahead.”

C - Crazy to think I was special when you were doing the same thing to others. 

U - Upset for going above and beyond just for you to put me on the “chat” AND be “checked off.” 

R - Resentful for allowing other people’s opinions dictate how I viewed myself. 

E - Exhausting thinking about how the past has taken over my present day. 

The word insecure has everything to do with my past and my past includes people I no longer talk to or associate myself with.  So, why do I allowed myself to feel all of these things for people that no longer matter?  Maybe I wasn’t confident enough and they projected onto me.  Maybe I lacked self-confidence and everyone saw and ran with it.  

For whatever reason this could be, I know that everyday is a working day.  I work on myself.  I work on the fact that my past is my past and it should not dictate my present day. 

GOODFUCKINGBYE.

Hello 2024

Another year, another post. 

The best part of the New Year is that it's the first of the month obviously and that it lands on a Monday.  Not only is the beginning of a new year but also month and week! It just calls for a good year.  Every year I usually make mental New Year goals for myself.  However, this time around I would like to actually let you guys know.  

Home-made meals || Unfortunately, 2021 was our downfall for eating out.  We would spend roughly around $500-$700 a week.  Yes, most of our money went towards, groceries and eating out.  At the end of that year, we vowed to do better.  In 2022, we did do better since I had to have home-made meals due to my pregnancy but there were times we would eat out.  However, when I gave birth in Oct 2022 I did not cook until June 2023.  Yeah, I know.  My point is I would like to do better.  I would like for my toddler to eat actual meals.  Plus, it's hard to feed her when we go out to eat.  Lately, I've been enjoying cooking dinner the only thing I hate is the lack of space we have.  So, we’ll see how this goes.  If you guys have any recipes send them my way, hehe. 

Self Love ||  At the end of the year I noticed I lacked a lot of self-love.  I noticed I didn't have any selfies or videos of anything really.  My camera roll was nothing but cups and my daughter.  I would like to change that and feel myself a little bit.  However, in an unselfish way.  My daughter will always be a priority and that will never change, I just have to add myself into the mix. 

Make time for the things I love ||  This year I would love to give myself more time do to the things I love.  That includes my blog, vlogging, and doing polymer clay.  When I tell you, that I genuinely love those things. I truly do!  They bring me so much joy.   

Journaling ||  I realized journaling helps so much.  I just wish to journal more than when I’m feeling “depressed.”  Expressing myself in writing is therapeutic af.  

Control my sugar || I know I can’t change everything overnight, but I do want to get into a better routine.  A routine is a starter to control my sugar.  While I transition into working out a routine/schedule.  I can start cutting things out.  My New Year goal is to cut out soda for now.  I do have many more foods I want to cut out but slowly.  I cut myself cold turkey last year and that hurt me mentally.  I want to do it better this time. 

With these 5 goals for the year, I hope to see positive change within myself.  This year is the year of self-love and self-care.  I hope you guys have an amazing year.  I wish to hear about any resolutions you may have.